Inner and Outer Light: Shine Bright

I spend a lot of time driving. In the last 2 months alone, I've logged 10,000 km on ol' Trixi BM, the Audi Q5. As you can imagine, a lot of time driving solo means a lot of time for reflection. One of my passions in life is noticing things. I'd like to think I have a unique gift for it, too. I value this time in the car, as I'm able to witness some sights - from mountain-top castles in small villages to Germans dressed up in costume for the Fasching. I feel pretty lucky. I've also spent a lot of time marveling over the concept of light - both inner and outer light - as I drive throughout Europe. It's pretty fascinating, as I've noticed how temperamental Mother Nature can be in the mountains, and how quickly light can transition from bright to menacing. What I've realized, also, is that the same notion applies to inner light in our souls. 

Allow me to digress for a few moments. Life on the road can be extremely lonely. Every weekend as acts on the White Circus, we travel from one venue to the next. Each event is equally exciting. Big. We think we're at the center of the Universe. And then, just as fast as the excitement came...it goes. And we pack up all of our gear and bring our circus tricks to the next venue. It's wonderful and exciting, but the truth is...we're not the center of the universe. And, life on the road - as glamorous as it may seem - is often quite lonely. We talk about things like how incredible that recovery was and how crazy that crash was, and how sad it is that so-and-so athlete is out for the season with an injury. Mostly, we talk about skiing, again, like it's the center of the universe. Don't get me wrong, I love this sport with a passion. And, truthfully, it is the center of our universe for 6-8 months. But it's not all glitz and glam. It can be tough. But just when I'm having an off day the sparkle of the snow dancing in the sunlight or the lifting of fog to reveal a mountaintop can turn it around.

So on my journeys from point A to point B, I spend time thinking about things like light - both external and internal. It's amazing the way light can affect an environment...external and internal light alike. When I'm driving through Europe and I see the light spill through the clouds and down onto the mountains, casting this beautiful, eery glow unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's ethereal. But weather can be fickle, changing in the matter of minutes. One moment it's bright and shining, and the next moment the clouds come rolling in to reveal a darker, gloomy and morose picture. Sounds a little like the energy we bring into a room and the light that we carry with us...it can change too, depending on outside forces. The challenge for us, I think, is to ensure that we keep that internal flame burning so it will emanate and always be sparkly and authentically shining outwardly, showering everyone around us with good vibes. That's the challenge for me, anyway...to create a force field of light that's so impenetrable that nothing on the outside can pierce it. That's happiness. Sometimes, it's a struggle. I'm not always happy, but I'll try my best to create and share joy. Remember, that happiness is not only for self, but happiness for others around you. You never know whose day you might change with a smile, encouraging words, or a kind gesture.

The other day as I was thinking about light, one of my favorite Of Monsters and Men songs started playing, and I realized I had never actually listened to the words of the song. But on that day, I listened...

“I’m looking for a place to start,
But everything feels so different now.
Just grab a hold of my hand,
I will lead you through this wonderland.
Water up to my knees,
But sharks are swimming in the sea.
Just follow my yellow light
And ignore all those big warning signs.

Somewhere deep in the dark
A howling beast hears us talk.
I dare you to close your eyes
And see all the colors in disguise.
Running into the night,
The earth is shaking and I see a light.
The light is blinding my eyes
As the soft walls eat us alive.”

— Yellow Light, Of Monsters and Men

What does that mean?! I don't really know. But I'd like to think it means that the path I'm on - though imperfect and a sometimes uncomfortable path - is the right path. And, once again, to trust that what is meant to be will be. My healer's poignant words of this summer come to mind...I am at peace with what was, I am at peace with what is, and I am at peace with what is to be.

Shine on, restless souls...shine bright! You never know what kind of darkness you might be able to brighten.

A Suffragette at the Core

Just watched the movie "Suffragette" and recommend it to all - man and woman alike. Awareness of how we arrived at the point where we exist is important. A BIG heartfelt thanks to my mother, my mother's mother, my mother's mother's mother and generations before...who paved the way for my freedom. Freedom for equality alongside our brothers. Freedom to have a voice. Freedom to explore the world with wild abandon.

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The woman wanderer goes forth to seek the Land of Freedom.

“How am I to get there?” Reason answers: “here is one way, and one only. Down the banks of Labour, through the water of suffering. There is no other.”

The woman cries out: “For what do I go to this far land which no one has ever reached? Oh, I am alone! I am utterly alone!”

But soon she hears the sounds of feet, ‘a thousand times ten thousand and thousands of thousands, and they beat this way!’

“They are the feet of those who shall follow you. Lead on.”

(from Olive Schreiner’s Three Dreams in a Desert, a book passed on from suffragette to suffragette)

Yep...I definitely would have fought that fight for my sisters. My daughters. Their daughters. I would have been a suffragette. I'm thankful for my freedom.

The Vagablonde

What 2015 Taught Me: Shit Happens

This blog post is brought to you from the sleepy little mountain village of Barboleuse (near Gryon/Villars), Switzerland... where the espresso is a-flowin', the croissants are aplenty and the fog is rolling in with a force. It's quaint here. A sanctuary. The pace of life is slower, and I like it. The sound ofthe cog railway train's horn is even music to my ears; it's cute. Last night, on New Year's Eve, I stayed in...which was probably the first time I've stayed in on New Year's Eve since I was 13. But, seriously. And I was totally okay with it. In fact, I preferred it. And this morning, I woke up at 10am, so I guess my body needed it.

I'm here in Switzerland visiting my dear friends from my past hostelling life—Matt and Elizabeth and their son (my new best friend) Sterling—on a little break between World Cup action in Santa Caterina for the men's downhill and Santa Caterina once again for the women's and men's slalom (relocated from Zagreb, Croatia). Do you ever stop and think to yourself, "How the hell did I get here?!" I do. Quite often, actually. Stopped in my tracks by the magic that surrounds me. In the past three weeks I've traveled from Val d'Isere, France to Val Gardena, Italy to Český Krumlov, Czech Republic, to Prague, Czech Republic, to Dorfgastein, Austria, to Lienz, Austria, to Santa Caterina, Italy to Patsch, Austria and now to Gryon, Switzerland. Like a ping-pong ball through Euroland, with the one and only #TrixiBM (my Audi Q5). Catch me if you can! 

Bonjour from one of the most stunning sanctuaries in my travel arsenal: Gryon, Switzerland.

The biggest lesson I learned in 2015 can be summed up in a few words: I pooped my pants in India. You might giggle, or think it's gross...but it's been a great icebreaker and conversation starter in awkward situations since. I often follow it up by telling others that you haven't lived, I mean REALLY lived, until you've pooped your pants. Without fail, it makes a group laugh and lightens the mood. Laugh with me. I love laughing. So what lesson did I learn, exactly, is what you're probably wondering? The situation was uncomfortable. It was out of my control. I was alone in a completely foreign land where very few people spoke my language. It's one example, of many, where I learned to just let go. Shit happens.

I have this tank top from my great friend Jes that says, "Chitta Happens". In Sanskrit, "Chitta" translates to "memory". It is derived from the root chit, "to be conscious". It is is the subconscious mind. It is the mind-stuff. It is the store-house of memory. What "Chitta Happens" means is that all of that shit up there in our minds can easily weigh us down and keep us from moving forward on a positive, clear path.

It’s pretty simple, really. Even so, it seems to take us so long to learn this lesson to let go and move forward with a clear mind. Some of us live our entire lives without learning—either because we’re not willing to learn or because we’re not capable of learning due to a healthy combination of #zerofucksgiven and a lack of awareness. In 2015, I learned the importance of letting go. Letting go of ego. Letting go of toxins. Letting go of expectations. Letting go of fear of how others perceive me. Letting go of feeling obligated to be everything to everyone. Letting go of things outside of my control.

Through it all, I’ve learned a little bit more about myself. Through the darkness, I found light. I’m always learning more about myself, and I’m constantly surveying the world around me—really trying to be in tune and aware of what is happening around me and what kind of emotions, mind and soul I’m bringing into a situation in order to get the most positive outcome possible from the situation. Don't be fooled, though—it takes work. In fact, it's a seemingly endless stream of learning and working on myself and requires periodic check-ins.

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ”

— Rumi

I learned that my heart is really big and it’s incredibly challenging for me to not feel deeply. It’s hard for me to find a balance between my head and my heart. Their relationship, to me, is entirely symbiotic. I remember a very good friend and mentor of mine, Beatrix, had told me once that her husband had a challenging time separating his head from his heart. I remember thinking that this notion was something I could really identify with. I’ve always had a hard time with it, and in 2015 I learned more than ever how challenging it is for me. It’s always going to be there, I just had to learn how to live peacefully with it. It’s part of the fabric woven together to create my spirit, and I've come to terms with the fact that it’s both my kryptonite and one of my biggest strengths.

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between amazing and the awful it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”

— LR Knost

So what changed and how did I learn to get by? I guess I've learned how to harness that and channel it more, and differently. I've learned how to sit with something that’s difficult; to reprogram my mind through meditation and prayer and to shift the way I’m thinking in a direction where I know that I am okay...trusting and letting go of the control and allowing things to happen organically.

I think that this is a lesson everyone could learn: a lesson in patience, and a reinforcement of a lesson that I’ve learned in the past and always lived by: that every situation doesn’t need to look the same. Every relationship doesn’t need to look the same. How we approach situations or problem solving in the work environment doesn’t need to look the same. And that, my friends, is the beauty of this world. Though we as humans know this and are cognizant of the fact that differences are beautiful and make the world a more colorful, vibrant place, I think it’s a very human tendency to get locked into a singular way of thinking—this notion that if something is a little bit different, it’s wrong. It’s odd how we can get sucked into that too. Ironic, because as odd and unconventional as I am, I’m guilty of this behavior too.

With relationships, for instance, I’ve heard friends talk about unconventional relationships in a negative way…they’ll say it’s not right because of this or that reason. Based on what, though?! What is the baseline for what a relationship needs to look like or how it should function? To me, the measurement is happiness. That’s it. It’s simple. Really, people. Apart from that, I cast no judgment. That’s something I’ve learned, though, and it hasn't been the smoothest path to understanding. It’s easy to judge from the outside. No one knows what it’s like to be in that particular relationship. I think it’s an important aspect to check in with from time to time…to take a moment to dig into why I am feeling the feelings I am feeling. Am I sad, frustrated, or upset because something isn’t the way society thinks it should be or am I sad, frustrated, or upset because something isn’t the way it should be for ME? For me, this is a distinction that needs to be made and a notion that needs to be reflected upon.

“True surrender requires an opening of the heart to the unknown.”

— Gurmukh Khalsa

The other day I read this article on Elephant Journal entitled "The Commitment Illusion". It made total sense to me, and I think it's a worthy read for others who struggle with the notion of unconventional relationships. "We need to come back to the core definition of a partnership, the stuff that creates the reality between two people: affection, care, thoughtfulness and dedication. Maybe we should simply go with what we see, let things flow and trust life." Let go. Let it flow. Trust. Find that magical place where you are okay with what was, okay with what is, and okay with what is to be.

Like I said, what it boils down to, is SHIT HAPPENS. Simply. In the end, it’s always okay and you can laugh about it and/or learn from it. That’s a good metaphor for life’s ups and downs in general. I’m happy now. I feel good. Even though I thought last year was a clean slate to move forward from, it wasn’t clean. It was muddy. I wasn’t ready for relationships of substance. I was reminded that I could only receive so much as my heart could give, which wasn’t my whole heart. I thought that I could give my whole heart, but in reality that wasn’t the case.

It was a powerful lesson for me in understanding what really, it means, to be healed and feel whole again—and the work and the steps that you need to do/take to get there. It doesn’t come from external forces; I think we always believe a soul-searching adventure, another relationship, material possessions, whatever, will heal us. But it’s not the case. All of these things are a Band-Aid solution to a larger problem, or in my case a unicorn mask on a broken spirit. Internally we need to find happiness and our spirits need to soar, in order for the external forces to align. I’m fully healed now. I’m starting over. I'm full of gratitude for where I am, because it's where I'm meant to be right now. At this moment in time.

“We shouldn’t live as if [other worlds] mattered more than this life in this world, because where we are is always the most important place.”

— Philip Pullman

2016 is my year to soar. I'll turn 33 (aka #theageofjesus) and I have no anxiety about it at all. There's no ticking time bomb for me. I'm at peace, because I'm confident that what is meant to happen will happen. And, I'm having a blast. I adore my 30s. For me, it's been the decade of understanding and growth. I’m thrilled about it. I’m excited about the prospect of experiencing deeper awareness, living life as a better, truer version of myself, and finding freedom to do what I need to do for myself, while at the same time the open heart and mind to receive what is meant to be received. I think that’s a really healthy place to be, and it’s a place that I wish others could experience as well: happiness and trust that what is meant to be will be, along with the awareness to acknowledge that finding this place doesn't happen magically, but rather as a result of setting intentions and creating essential building blocks in order to get you there.

I’ve given up New Year’s resolutions long ago. People create lofty goals and rarely reach those goals. My advice? Shed the expectations and pressure on yourself. Instead, set intentions and create healthy steps to reaching those intentions. And remember, oftentimes the best journey never ends up the way you had thought it would.

My 2016 intentions:

Be true to yourself
Move purposefully through life
Approach every situation with an open mind and heart
Do things that serve your soul and that make you feel good
And, of course, continue to dance, laugh, wear crazy leggings, unicorn masks and costumes, and attempt to make others smile (aka ask yourself, "what would Amelie do?").

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art—write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”

— Neil Gaiman

Bonne Année,

The Vagablonde

Christmas in Prague

I walked up the stairs to the penthouse at Mosaic House, opened the terrace door, and the uncharacteristically fall-like breeze hit my face. With it, came an onslaught of memories. Smells. Sounds. People. Dancing. Moments. That's what life is made of, after all. It's a series of moments beautifully and sometimes chaotically, yet always meaningfully, assembled to make each of us who we are. I live for these moments.

The view from the Penthouse West terrace at Mosaic House

It's REWIND time. Ready?! I'm thrust back into a different time and space...five and a half years ago. This place was a whole different world. A concrete mess full of dust and scaffolding that would soon have a magic wand placed upon it and - voilà - turn into the sparkly structure that now stands here.

Five years ago. Christina "Chicks" Hicks and me checking out the rooftop view.

The last time I was up on this roof it was late May 2010. Our crew had been working towards the opening of this unlikely hostel/hotel fusion called Mosaic House for what seemed like an eternity. There was no such thing as a 9-5...this was our baby and we were creating something from nothing. It was exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time. The sun was shining down on us as we enjoyed a Pilsner, the solar panels of this impressively designed eco property just above us. Soaking it all in. Espresso and pivo (that's Czech for beer), fueling our bodies.

Mutter Trixi BM, the U.S. Ski Team Audi, posing in front of Mosaic House.

And now, FAST FORWARD five years. I feel like I'm living in an alternate universe and I love it as much as I loved the place I was in five years back. In fact, as I was sitting with Gilles, one of the managers here at Mosaic House whom I worked with back in the day...I thought that my time here in Prague was the pinnacle of my career; that I wouldn't find a better gig for me and my personality. Of course, I'd find out soon enough that this wasn't the case. It wasn't necessarily an easy path, but each stop on the journey purposefully built upon the last and led to the next. And they were all equally beautiful and saturated with learning opportunities.

My office (with a view) for the day.

I write this as I sit on the terrace of Penthouse West. I'm definitely a wiser woman than I was five years ago, and I'm certainly a better version of me. At the core, though, my spirit remains the same: fiery, curious, free, effervescent, open. That's me. The big difference now is that my work now is so intertwined with my personal passions and interests that I'm able to really BE me. It also allows me to travel around Europe and freely experience its people and places, as well as come back to Prague—a place I will always consider a "home" in my journey. It's where my brother and sister-in-law live and many of my friends still live. So Christmas in Prague is special. It's real. And this year, my family joined us here. What a joy and a blessing.

Last year my life looked a lot different. It was my first year with the U.S. Ski Team and I was still trying to figure it all out. I was slowly (more quickly than most, but definitely slow for myself) trying to patch up the pieces of my broken personal life. Though I was with my brother, sister-in-law and friends, I was lonely. A piece of my soul was missing. I traveled to Krumlov, my favorite place in the world, for Christmas day and I was alone. I was sad. But today, I'm happy. I'm strong. I feel free. Truly free to float around this big ol' globe with wild abandon...like I was meant to do. 

So what does Christmas in Prague look like for me? Here are a few of my favorite things, some old and some new.

STAY | at Mosaic House. If you're able, I recommend "splurging" (it's still a lot less than most luxe spots) and snagging a penthouse room. The soft way the light pours in early in the morning and the view of the castle are two of many reasons to splurge. The view is wild up here. At night, sit out on the terrace with a glass of red wine and you'll understand why travelers are captivated by Prague's romance. The shower is divine. The decor is tastefully minimalist. The building was also retrofitted to work as a green property...greywater recycling, solar panels, the whole sha-bang. It's a quiet little oasis and I feel like the princess from "The Princess and the Pea." Though its concept has changed from five years ago, much like me, it remains who it was at the core. It's still something unique. Special.

The walk up to Penthouse West.

The Penthouse West entryway.

The toilet room (separate from shower).

The insanely amazing rainhead shower

The bed. 'Nuff said.

More detail.

BUZZZZZZ | Over the years, I've witnessed the cafe culture in Prague get better and better. A few of the classic favorites are Cafe Ebel, Mama Coffee Cafe and Globe Bookstore. I'm sure there are many more, but these are classic mainstays that have been around for a while. Also worth checking out is Dobrá Čajovna. Their tea is to die for and their shisha is still my favorite on this planet. Try to snag the loft in the back room and just hang out and chill for a while. It's well worth it. 

GRUB | Modry Zub is still one of my favorite spots to grub. It's Thai, and it's even spicy...which is not easy to find in Prague. There's this spot over by Manes gallery and the river, it's an Indian/Lebanese/Pakistani restaurant with a green facade called Karavanseraj, also known as Klubu cestovatelů. Their food is excellent and their shisha isn't too shabby either. Also, U Fleků, just a two minute walk from Mosaic House, is a famous restaurant dating back to the 1400's. It's pretty touristy, but it's worth it for the ambiance. There are people from all over the world there, and they play traditional music, brew their own beer, and slivovice. Also nearby and worth checking out is Švejk Restaurant U Karla, right next to U Fleků. They serve up excellent traditional Czech meals, but they're also non-smoking and have a gluten-free menu.

STRAY | Prague is a city for wandering souls. The little nooks and crannies are always full of surprises and the cobblestone streets and the sights they lead to are endlessly magical and mysterious. Whether it be checking out your favorite design shop (one of mine is Julius Fashion Shop near Národní třída) or candy shop (check out Captain Candy). Swing by the Christmas markets in Old Town Square and grab yourself a trdelník, a traditional Slovak cake and sweet pastry. Yum. Walk across Charles Bridge and meander in Mala Strana (aka "Lesser Town") on the castle side, my favorite place to wander. Navigate through the small alleyways and swing by the Lover's Lock bridge and make your mark on the Lennon Wall.

GET CRAY | There are a number of bars, music venues, and nightclubs you can go to, but when I'm in town I stick to my favorites, like locally-owned and operated Groove Bar (they also own Bar Nota). It's a stone's throw from Mosaic House and it's always filled to the brim with young Czech hipsters and good music. I've danced on that bar and served a beer or two there, so it's near and dear to my heart. Shout-out to owners Martin and Jakub who are still crushing it with their good looks and charming smiles. Well done, boys.

Of course, you can always swing by La Loca Music Bar and Lounge downstairs in Mosaic House. Make sure to pay special attention to the mosaics upon entry, and on either side of the stage. They're a part of the historically maintained aspect of the hotel, and they represent the balance between art and science.

That's all for now. Shout if you have specific questions about things to do or see in Prague. I'm full of them!

Travel mindfully and Merry Christmas,

The Vagablonde